Like You
by thenameiskeri
Summary: Her eyes fell over him, sadness aching in her heart, "I guess you never really let go of your first love. " His brown eyes snapped back to hers immediately, "Yeah, maybe ….. " And then slowly, he stood to his feet, his hands finding the deep pockets on his tuxedo pants, "But she wasn't my first love. I figured after all this time … you'd at least know that. "
1. Chapter 1

Of all the colors in the world, it shouldn't have surprised Sam that Carly had picked pink for her bridesmaid's dresses. Sam decided she would torture her best friend sometime in the near future for the color choice. But, in a way, Sam had lucked out. As maid-of-honor, her dress was a light pale pink compared to the brighter pink bestowed upon the rest of the bridal party. Yet all of it really didn't matter anyway. Today was not about Sam. It was the day Carly Shay had been waiting for her entire life ….and Sam would do everything in her power to make sure that the girl who had stuck by her for the last 15 years had the most magical day ever.

Sam stood outside St. Matthew's Church, pacing along the beautifully mowed grass alongside it. Carly was currently have a very touching father-daughter moment in her bride's room and Sam somehow couldn't bear to watch. The ceremony was only a few hours away; but somehow, it felt like time was standing perfectly still. She let the breeze blow her curled golden locks over her bare shoulders, imagining a steaming Carly running outside dressed in a white full gown yelling at her for grass stains and wind-swept hair.

" You look beautiful."

His voice sent a sharp pain to her heart almost immediately. She slowly turned around to face him, standing on the church steps, dapper in a charcoal gray tuxedo, brown hair swept to his right side. My God, she thought, when had he become such …. a man?

A warm smile graced her face as he approached her, "You clean up pretty nice too, Benson."

Freddie nodded in appreciation, his eyes glued to her radiance. He gestured toward the bench near them, exhaling as he sat down. Even on a day of beauty and bliss, he could still feel that tension between them. She'd been his friend for nearly 15 years and though time had changed the dynamics of their relationship, he was certain that Carly and Sam would always be the constants in his life.

Sam, never one to deal with silence for too long, sat breathlessly beside him, "Can you believe she's really getting married? She must be insane."

He glanced over at her, to his left side, eyes glistening with amusement, "Why insane?"

Sam scoffed as she peeked over at him, "Marriage? _These _days? Please. I have mayonnaise in my fridge that's lasted longer than some of my relationships."

Freddie laughed, half-heartedly, not at all particularly ready to hear about any relationships she may have had. Sam hadn't been his girlfriend for too long back in high school, but there was always this special place in his heart for the blonde. He was always overprotective when she dated guys in college and once they had graduated, he decided it was for the best to just stop asking all together about her love life.

Because why would he want to hear about the men in her life, when he always found himself wondering if she was the woman for his?

His silence always frightened her; and yet, she always found herself being more open with him than anything. She sighed heavily, wiping the hair from her face, "I don't know. I just don't think anything sticks anymore."

And just like they were fifteen again, he found himself wanting to prove her wrong, "Maybe you just haven't found the right guy."

What startled Sam the most was that her first reaction to his words were, _I did_. But never one to dwell on her emotions for too long, Sam practically jumped to her feet, standing with her back to him now, her face covered in the warm summer breeze. She folded her arms over her chest, unable to weigh his answer with any merit, "How about you? Wasn't Carly Shay supposed to be the "right" girl for you?"

Freddie folded his hands in his lap, tilting his head in wonder, "I thought so. For a long time."

Sam remembered how crazy Freddie used to be over Carly. He followed her around like a puppy dog, obeying her every command, dreaming of a day just like this where he stood at the end of that aisle. She remembered how happy he was when Carly finally gave him a chance and the devastation when it continually failed. She was pretty sure that he tried to win over her again when she returned from Italy in mid-college, but as always….Carly and Freddie only seemed to work as friends. Much to Freddie's dismay, Sam assumed.

She turned back to face him slowly, his eyes lost somehow in good ol' memories and the honesty of the moment. Her eyes fell over him, sadness aching in her heart, "I guess you never really let go of your first love. "

His brown eyes snapped back to hers immediately, "Yeah, maybe ….. " And then slowly, he stood to his feet, his hands finding the deep pockets on his tuxedo pants, his eyes never leaving hers, "But_ she_ wasn't my first love. I figured after all this time … you'd at least know that. "

She wanted it to be true, but couldn't force herself to believe it. Maybe it's because, in a way, he would always be Carly's, or in a way she told herself that she didn't deserve someone as good as him. An intense nervousness crept into her body, her gaze focusing on anything but him, "I'm pretty dense when it comes to the "L" word. "

But Freddie wouldn't let her back away, "You weren't always."

She shook her head at him, "I was just a kid. What did I know? I was too busy finding all sorts of creative ways to get into trouble…"

He quickly interrupted her, smiling, "…and eating _lots_ and _lots_ of ham."

And just like that, it felt normal between them again. She laughed graciously, reminiscing on the oddness of her childhood, "Ha. And I've paid for it ever since. At 16, you don't realize that eventually …. ham goes straight to your thighs."

His eyes traced her from the tip of her golden locks, down the slope of her sun-kissed neck, around the curve of her hip, and to the perfectly polished toe. He smiled in appreciation, "You look just fine to me. "

She rolled her eyes, never letting him show that his words could get to her, "Eh. You have to say things like that."

Freddie only laughed back at her, "Oh no, I don't. You, my dear, tortured me for my entire childhood. You know, I even try to tell people some of the stories and they think I'm lying because of how crazy it sounds. Ha. So, trust me, I don't have to say anything nice if I didn't want to…..or if I didn't mean it."

Sam bit the bottom of her lip, somehow lost in all the memories of her beating Freddie to the ground, embarrassing him in front of crowds of people, verbally bashing the poor boy until she got the laughter she needed. How, after all this time, could he still tolerate her? She lowered her gaze to the ground, "Why didn't you just ever stop being my friend? I was pretty horrible to you."

A deep sincerity filled his eyes, "I'll admit in the beginning, it was rough, yes. But high school is supposed to be rough and….you always made it interesting. Truth is, I wouldn't have enjoyed college life at all if I didn't have you dragging me to crazy parties and pouring disgusting amounts of liquor down my throat." He paused to chuckle, "You…push me, Sam. Everybody needs someone like that in their life."

She half-heartedly grinned as he continued.

"And honestly…I can't really imagine what my life would have been like without you."

Sam could feel the tears beginning to brew as she looked over at him. He'd been the only real man in her life besides Spencer. She'd dated and enjoyed life, but nobody had ever touched her the way Freddie had. But that couldn't matter anymore. It was so long ago, and time was never on their side.

She cleared her throat, turning from him again. She couldn't talk about this stuff, maybe it was all this wedding mojo that was messing with her head. But she just needed to not talk like this with him. She averted as she did best, "So…do you like this guy? Howard?"

A sad smirk slid over his lips as he watched her deflect any real outpouring of emotion. But he never pushed her. He knew eventually Sam would come in her own time. He could play whatever game she wanted, "He seems pretty decent to me. And more importantly than that, they love each other. I only ever wanted her to be happy and she finally is." He watched as Sam rolled her eyes at him, squinting as she peeked up, "So…you _don't_ like him? "

Sam shrugged her bare shoulders, pouting her mouth, "Eh, I don't like anyone. He's good enough, I guess. And…she does love him like crazy. Guess I was…just kind of jealous." She hated that he brought out such a vulnerable side of her, "Maybe I've always been a little bit jealous of her."

A hearty chuckle erupted from deep within his chest.

Her mouth slightly dropped, "Excuse me. What is so funny?"

The laughter died down quickly as he took a dangerous step closer to her, "I think she's always been a little bit jealous of _you_." Sam seemed shocked by the concept, and Freddie never did understand how after all this time, Sam didn't see the kind of woman she was, "You have this incredible passion and fearlessness. Nothing scares you; nobody can touch you. Not in high school, not now. People like Carly, people like me…we live in this safe little bubble and _you_….set the world on fire."

The tears stung in the corner of Sam's eyes.

Freddie pushed on, unable to stop himself, "Carly and I…we spend our lives trying to be dependable and honest and…._enough_. We are more than happy to fly under the radar. We can settle for being….content. It's why she and I never worked, I think." His eyes lifted to meet hers, "But you? You live on your own terms, in your own world. You walk into a room…."

He placed his hand over his chest, fingers digging into the white pleated shirt, "…..and my God, Sam, it _still _takes my breath away. "

But somehow, she was the one with no breath.

Ruined by him in every way, she allowed herself one tear to fall to her rosy cheek, breaking the perfectly placed makeup on her face, "You're wrong, you know?" Her heart beat rapidly against her chest, "Things scare me."

He sighed, defeated, "Like what?"

She lifted in chin, in defiance and surrender, the tear finally falling to her lips, "Like_ you_."

As the honest words escaped her glossed lips, more open than he'd ever seen her, Freddie wondered if there was ever a moment, since that very first kiss, that he hadn't been in love with this girl. Because he was sure, right in this moment, that he had never loved her more.

But that look in his eye and all these emotions that she kept so perfectly hidden and the reality that things could never be hit Sam like cold water to the face. She grabbed the skirt of her dress, gently wiping away whatever was left of her lone tear, "I should go see if Carly needs me. What kind of maid-of-honor would I be if I just left her by herself?"

She took a few steps back quickly, her eyes unable to meet his, in fear that she might never leave.

Freddie extended his hand to her, heartbroken.

"Why….why does it feel like you're always running away from me, from _this_?"

She stopped in her movements, shrugging her shoulders, "I don't know." And then she looked at him, one final time, eyes glistening with tears again, disregarding the logic and letting her heart lead the way.

"Maybe I've… I've just been waiting for you to give me a reason to stay."

And almost like she'd never been there at all, as beautiful and quick as the descending sunset, she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam knocked gently on the red door in front of her before slowly entering. Before her, clad in a full ivory gown, stood her best friend. Sam had never seen her look more beautiful, "My goodness, Carly Shay. Do you have any idea how stunning you look in that thing?"

But as Carly turned to face her, Sam noticed the tears stained on Carly's cheek. She rushed over to her side, grasping her open palm and encircling it. Carly exhaled deeply, choking back a soft sob, "I'm doing the right thing, right? He's a good guy, and he loves me, and God, I love him. I'm supposed to be this nervous, right? It's okay? I'm not making a mistake? It's just….This is right, _right_?"

Sam simply nodded, holding her friend's hand tightly, "Every bride in the world feels exactly like this. You are about to marry the man of your dreams. It's a friggin' big moment. You're allowed to freak out." Sam chuckled, wiping a tear from the corner of her friend's eye, "I'd think you were highly medicated if you didn't have an "Oh, Jesus" moment."

And all Carly could do was laugh.

She pulled Sam into a tight hug; it truly felt unbelievable that they had gotten to this point in life, "When did you become the reason in my life?"

Sam hugged back tightly, "I figure I caused enough damage when I was younger that it's only right for me to be the center of calm in both of our adult lives. "

Carly pulled back, wiping her face and the beautiful makeup along with it, "I can't wait to be the maid of honor in your wedding."

Sam arched her eyebrow in disbelief, the words jutting from her mouth, "Yeah? Well, I wouldn't force _you_ into pink." Carly squinted at her eyes at her friend in dismay, to which Sam simply sighed, "Sorry. I'm a still a lil testy. I may not be the same crazy tomboy I used to be, but pink….and Sam still do not go together."

Carly chuckled, her mind stuck on wedding, imagining her best friend in a long white dress, hair upswept with small flowers. All she wanted was for Sam to experience the love that she felt with Howie. Maybe sometimes she'd push just a little too far. Carly exhaled, slowly sitting on the stool beside her. She batted her eyes slyly before looking back up at Sam, "I saw that you decided to bring Josh after all. "

Sam instantly froze at his name.

She warned carefully, "He's just a friend, Carls."

Carly smirked back, "Well, he wasn't always. Now, was he?"

Sam had met Josh at her job over a year ago. They had bonded quickly over a crazy childhood and ties to Seattle, which often never happened for her. They had tried to date briefly, but when Josh had asked her to move in with him, Sam quickly retreated from the relationship. It all seemed too much, too soon. Like everything else in her life. She had wanted to move forward, and Josh was one of the kindest men she had met in a long time, but he just wasn't…..wasn't it. He had kindly agreed to go the wedding with her, no strings attached, but she felt (even in the car ride over) that perhaps Josh was expecting more from this "date".

Sam's eyes snapped back to the bride-to-be, sighing in resignation, "Relationships don't work for people like me."

Carly only looked at her strangely, "Lies. Josh was a nice guy and you bailed on him. Plus, there have been others, you know. You dated that musician in college and…."

Sam held up two fingers, "Stole my wallet. Twice. "

"That guy who went to law school, but changed his mind to become a doctor?"

"Cheated on me. With a dude."

"That weird guy that was obsessed with fire?"

Sam couldn't help but chuckle, in a sad reality, "Sorta speaks for itself, I would imagine."

Carly paused for only a moment, her eyes glistening with a sudden awareness, "Well, there's always Freddie."

Mouth slightly agape, Sam felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. Yes, there seemed to always be him.

Carly smiled at her friend's reaction, "You and Freddie were good together. _Great_, if I recall. I was never really sure why it didn't work out. Especially in college. You were always together. And did you see how good the boy looks in a tux?"

But Sam, especially after the conversation she had just had with Freddie outside, was unable to face those kind of truths now. She knelt down beside her friend, looking up at her, "Carly Shay. Today is about you. We have an entire lifetime to psycho-analyze all the craziness of my life." Carly smiled, showing a set of pearly white teeth, smothered in pink lipstick. Sam softly smiled, "Now, please dear God, let me fix your makeup before you marry that man looking like a fool."

Carly's hand covered her mouth quickly, chuckling deeply, "Oh, what would I do without you?"

A lump formed in Sam's throat, "You'll never have to find out."


	3. Chapter 3

Freddie made his way up to the front of the church, a tightness spreading across his chest as he did. Sam's words had stung him deeply, and he wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. It seemed, he never really knew what the right thing was to do when it came to her. He continued on, meeting the eyes of Howard, who stood silent at the altar. The other groomsmen hadn't yet made their way to the altar and Freddie considered it the perfect distraction.

He extended his hand to the man, happy that though they knew little of eachother Howard had been kind enough to ask him to be in the wedding, "Nervous?"

Howard took the man's hard in a firm handshake, merely shaking his head in dismissal, "Nah. As long I don't have to worry about you jumping up in the middle of the ceremony to claim her back."

Freddie smiled softly, his hand falling back to his side, "You're safe."

Howard laughed, an eerie calmness overtaking him. He looked back at Freddie, open and honest, "I'm glad Carly's got you in her life. It's rare to have your childhood friends still be a part of your life. And yea, I may have been jealous at first, but then she explained the whole story and ….. it all kinda made perfect sense."

Freddie tilted his head in confusion, "What made sense?"

Howard rolled his eyes, the smile never leaving his face, "Oh, c'mon. We all see the way you look at her." Freddie continued to be surprised, not able to pinpoint what the man was trying to imply. Howard lowered his eyes, exhaling a single time in amusement and wisdom.

"I'll put it this way: it's not the brunette that your heart's been after. "

Freddie's smile fell into a sad awareness. No, it wasn't the brunette after all, he thought. It still surprised Freddie to this day. Who could have ever thought that the one girl who made his life miserable for so many years was the only one he felt could make sense of it now?

Freddie threw his hands up in surrender, too defeated to deny, "Got any advice for me?"

A solemn look, one that Freddie had never seen on the man, overcame Howard. He took a step closer, placing his hand on Freddie's shoulder, "Either tell her…or let her go."Freddie's eyes opened wide in surprise as Howard continued, "….because if you're not 100% sure….then she's not the one."Howard loosened his grip, "You know, it doesn't happen overnight. But one day, I looked over at Carly across from some restaurant table and I knew. I just _knew_. And since that very moment I've never doubted that she is it for me. She's my wife."

Howard pounded against his chest with his hand, "If you can feel that, that _absolute_ certainty, you don't walk away from it ….and you certainly don't let it walk away from you. "

Freddie could only stand there, bewildered, mesmerized by words that were just said to him.

_"Why….why does it feel like you're always running away from me, from this?"_

_ "I don't know. Maybe I've… I've just been waiting for you to give me a reason to stay." _

Freddie looked back at Howard, filled with a new awareness. He didn't know much about Howard; just the random dinner dates with Carly, holidays, stories that he heard from family and friends. But right here, in the moment, it was like Howard knew Freddie better than he knew himself. And any reservation he may have had about his best friend marrying this man was completely gone.

Freddie smiled at his newfound friend, "You're going to make a great husband."

Howard patted Freddie on the shoulder, that warm smile overcoming his features, "Eh. All I gotta do is love the girl, through anything, no matter what. Ha. It sounds pretty easy to me."

Love her?, Freddie thought. Yeah, that was the easy part.

And now, as difficult as he knew it could be, Freddie was ready for what came next.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam slumped into the ivory chair, immediately kicking off her pink-dyed heels under the table, rubbing her bare feet on the plush carpet below her. She was utterly exhausted from the day's events. Carly's wedding had been absolutely stunning. The ceremony took off with any hiccups, the lovely duo exchanging heartfelt vows that had the entire wedding party in tears. They had all travelled to a nearby park after to snap some wedding photos, Sam staring as she had never seen her best friend look so completely happy. They had only been at the reception now for 30 minutes, Carly and Howard sharing their first dance, and Sam wanted to collapse from tire.

Yet, she also knew that her weariness was a combination of physical…and emotion. During the ceremony, she had often felt herself incidentally locking eyes with Freddie's before immediately tearing away. He kept trying to approach her to say something, but Sam would find nearly anything else to do to distract the moment.

She just felt like she wasn't ready for the "talk"….or in honesty, for _him_.

"I like you in pink."

Sam nearly jumped out of her skin, as Josh took a seat beside her, smiling brightly as he placed a warm hand on her shoulder.

She lifted her chin onto her bare shoulder, shooting him a death glance, "Take. That. Back."

Josh only chuckled, through his hands up in surrender. He was certain he had never seen her look so stunning before. "Ceremony was very nice."

Sam nodded slowly, her eyes turning back to the newlyweds dancing the night away on the floor, "Yeah, it really was. And she looks just…so happy. Like I've never seen before."

Josh quickly noticed the sadness in her tone, his eyes lowering, "Think you'll ever be that happy?"

Sam sighed defeatingly, always finding herself being honest with him, "Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin."

Whether it was the pale pink dress, or the way her soft curls fell across her bare back, or the intensity in her tone, Josh felt himself falling weak to her yet again. He cleared his throat, his hand falling from her shoulder, down her arm, "You could let _me _help you."

Sam felt every nerve stand on end, warning, "Josh."

But he couldn't let her stop him, "It's not what you think. It's…no pressure. I'm just…here, you know. For whenever you _are _ready." Her bluish grays turned toward him, in a stoic acknowledgement. And when she looked at him like that, vulnerable and somehow broken, Josh grasped her hand in his, "Because I really think that you could be in love with me too, if you just let yourself fall. Just once. It could be worth it, Samantha."

Her eyes travelled his face, silently thinking that he was probably one of the most perfect guys she'd ever get a chance to be with and yet….it still didn't feel enough. She tore her gaze away, "I'm only going to hurt you….and I really don't want to."

His fingers wrapped tighter around hers, his honest eyes showcasing his disappointment, "Would you at least dance with me? Once? "Sam grasped his hand tighter as well, not wanting to lose the boy before her but somehow unsure if she could move forward with him either.

Unbeknownst to the dramatic duo, Freddie, in the back corner of the room, standing afar, watching as _his _Sam held hands with this guy, her gorgeous blues staring pleadingly into another's, something instead of him just snapped.

Before he had time to comprehend his move, he had crossed the dance floor in a somewhat angry huff, and found himself standing before the couple now, clueless as to what to say or where to go. Noticing a presence beside her, Sam turned away from Josh, looking back up at Freddie, suddenly breathless.

Freddie looked down at her, his chest puffed out in ire, sarcasm dripping from his tongue, "Having fun, Puckett?"

When Sam was too stunned to respond, Freddie simply turned toward the man beside her, extending his hand in false sincerity. "I don't believe we have been formally introduced. Fredward Benson."

Taken a bit aback, Josh polity accepted the man's handshake, gripping firmly, "I'm…Josh Hanson. I…uh…work with Sam. I'm her _date _for the night."

The simple, tiny word "date" stabbed Freddie directly through the heart and only went further to amp up his anger, "Her date, huh? Well, I'm her ex….", and before he could stop himself, he looked back directly at Sam, fury filling his veins, "…and I'm also the guy she lost it to."

Josh' jaw nearly hit the table.

With the memory that they had sworn to never speak of again running through her mind, Sam pounced to her feet, in absolute fire, "**FREDDIE**!"

Freddie looked back directly at Sam, unapologetic, "I _need_ to talk to you."

Sam nearly slapped him across the face, "And I…._need_ you to leave me alone." Freddie opened his mouth to speak, but Sam quickly interrupted, "_Now_, Benson."

Like he had put his hand to the fire, Freddie quickly retreated. He saw the anger in her eyes and knew that he had gone way too far. Feeling eyes from the tables beside them at the public fight and suddenly embarrassed by the display, Freddie spun away from Sam and Josh, and disappeared back to the other side of the dance floor, broken.

Sam watched his walk away silently, her shaky hand coming up to cover her mouth to stop her from screaming. She had no time to be embarrassed. She let out a hesitant exhale and slowly turned back to Josh, ready to apologize.

But as she turned, she found a different Josh than the one she'd left behind. One hand was threaded through his dark locks, the other roughly rubbing over his bearded chin. He never once lifted his gaze to her, as a look of shock and awe overcame him. She slowly sat back beside him, completely baffled at where to begin.

But he never let her.

His eyes finally met hers and it was all he ever needed to know, "Wow, Samantha. All this time…"

He paused only for a moment to catch his breath, before continuing, "All this time I just figured you were afraid to fall in love. I never even let myself consider that maybe…. you hadn't fallen _out _of love yet."

Her eyes quickly welled with tears, her defenses building, "I'm not….he's just…I don't….."

But he couldn't let her continue, a sad realization sinking in his stomach, "But you don't love _me_, right?"

Unable to lie to devastated man before her, Sam's shoulders fell in defeat, "I wanted to."

His sadness was quickly dissipating, as the rage filled his void, "Why am I here? To make him jealous?"

Sam shook her head in absolute certainty, "No! I wouldn't…." Her resolve weakened, "I just…I needed a friend."

A scoff erupted from his throat, "A friend. A _friend_? Do you really not get it?" He suddenly grabbed her cold hands in his, "I know you're terrified of whatever this could be, but you have let it stop you from doing what you feel for far too long. I'm not afraid to say how I feel about you. I want to have a future with you. I'm here, right now, at this wedding, with your ex standing right over there, because I want to be with you. So, no, I don't want to be your _friend." _His hands released her slowly, a tear escaping the corner of her eye, "You can't just be friends with someone you're in love with. And I….am completely in love you, Samantha."

He slowly stood from his chair, her pleading eyes following his every move, stunned by his words,

And with the nothing else left to stay, with all those shredded pieces of his heart in his hands, Josh simply walked away from her, and whatever they could have been.


	5. Chapter 5

Freddie slammed his fists against the back door of the reception hall, bursting them open and leading to a rose-scented garden with a large porcelain fountain in the center. The moon shone bright and high in the night sky, glistening down on him. He felt the tears sting in the back of his eyes, his fury nearly choking him to death.

How stupid could he have been? Confronting Sam and her date like that? He would never get the reaction he needed out of her like that. Why, why did he always let his emotions get the best of him? Especially when it came to her.

My God, he thought desperately, had he blown it all?

"What was_ that_?"

Freddie spun around at the sound of the voice behind him, distracting him from his own thoughts. Carly stood before him, draped in a knee-length white sparkling party dress, her dark locks pulled up and tight in curls. She looked just as beautiful as she had at the ceremony, and now somehow…even happier.

Freddie sighed, realizing how close he'd come to ruining this wonderful woman's wedding, "It was nothing, Carly. I'm so incredibly sorry. I shouldn't have done that here. This is your day. And nothing else really matters."

Carly sighed, crossing her bare arms over her chest, and as the only voice of sanity in their messed up little friendship, she ignored his attempts and pushed on.

"So, you're in love with her, huh?"

In absolute defeat and agony, Freddie slumped down against the fountain behind him, throwing his hands up in the ultimate surrender, "What if…..she has always been the one for me?"

Carly approached him slowly, a wicked grin spreading over her lips, "Maybe you should tell her that."

Freddie scoffed, "I tried. But you know Sam. She's going to run in the other direction as soon as the words hit the air."

But Carly would not let this go. She had found the love of her life, and she wouldn't settle until her friends could find the same. She rolled her eyes, "So, what? You just go through life and never tell her because….she might react badly?" She shook her head at her sad best friend, placing her soft hands over his shoulders, "Freddie. What happens if she feels it too? And what? You both live your life just going through the motions, afraid of anything, when the whole while you could have been amazing together?"

Freddie lifted his eyes, completely shaken by a scarier truth, "And if she _doesn't _feel it?" He let out a heavy sigh, "We could never go back."

Unable to be anything but truthful, Carly matched his sigh, "Probably not." She took a seat beside him, her arm brushing up against his, "But can you really go on not knowing? Hell, even if she says no, at least you can find some closure and move the hell on with your life. It's better than this back and forth thing that you guys have been doing for years." She grabbed his hand in hers, "You gotta be honest with her. Even if it hurts."

Like a bucket of ice, Freddie realized that Carly had never been more right.

He intertwined his fingers with hers, "I hate you when you're right."

Carly snickered, leaning against him, "Then, you must hate me _a lot_."

When she shivered against him from the brisk wind, he released her hand, and draped his arm across back of her shoulders, bringing her in tightly, "Howard….is a very lucky guy. He has no idea how truly amazing you are. I'm pretty damn jealous, in fact."

As he rubbed her arm to warm her cool skin, Carly looked sadly at up Freddie, a stunning realization sparking her heart, "You know, when you and I dated, I never felt that…thing, that spark, I guess. I knew I cared for you, but it always felt like something was missing." Freddie looked up, as memories replayed in his mind. Carly could only continue, "And when I saw you & Sam back then, it was so…electric, like all the time. I wanted_ that_ feeling." Carly paused briefly, straightening the flyaways from her face, "Truth is, I wanted that feeling with _you_. But it was never right, you know?"

Freddie whispered in sad acknowledgement, "Like two friends trying too hard?"

Carly nodded emphatically, "And then, I met Howard. And I realized how amazing it can be. Do you even realize how amazing it can be?"

Freddie looked back at Carly, suddenly aware of exactly what he had to do, "I'm in love with my worst enemy…..I'd say pretty amazing, yeah."

Carly could only lean in closer, resting her chin against his shoulder, "Then, go get her, Benson."


	6. Chapter 6

_"Maybe you just haven't found the right guy."_

_"I'm just…here, you know. For whenever you __**are**__ ready."_

_"But__** she**__ wasn't my first love. I figured after all this time … you'd at least know that." _

_"Because I really think that you could be in love with me too, if you just let yourself fall. Just once. It could be worth it, Samantha."_

_"But you? You live on your own terms, in your own world. You walk into a room…..and my God, Sam, it __**still**__ takes my breath away. "_

_"And I….am completely in love you, Samantha."_

_"Why….why does it feel like you're always running away from me, from __**this**__?"_

_"You can't just be friends with someone you're in love with." _

Escaping the reception hall and taking a seat along the small retaining wall surrounding the glistening pool outside, the agony of the day's events wore heavily on Sam. Looks from Freddie, words from Josh, advice from Carly….Of all the things said and done today, she realized that Josh' statement rang most true. It _was_ impossible to be friends with someone you were in love with. And for those reasons and so many more, Josh had walked away from her earlier this evening….and she wondered if those were the very same reasons why she and Freddie could no longer be.

Maybe, she wondered silently, she'd been in love with that silly nerd all along.

"Sam."

But when she heard the sound of his voice, from just across the pool, whatever she had felt quickly turned back into the despise and embarrassment she had gained from tonight's events.

She never even lifted her eyes, "Go away."

She could see out of her periphery as he slowed to a stop, and then continued slowly around the pool toward her. But the sweet Sam of the night had vanished, and all that's left was a bitter girl, "I'm serious, Benson. I don't care how grown we are. Don't think for one second that I won't still kick your sorry ass."

_She chased him around the quad of the college campus, screaming at the top of her lungs with fury, "You better not let me catch you, nerd."_

_He ducked around a tree, swooping around to the other side, "Oh trust me, I won't."_

But Freddie couldn't let good ol" Puckett threats stop him today. He had to tell her, to talk to her. He was fool, and he couldn't let this be the end. "I am sorry, you know. I was completely, completely out of line." He continued to round the pool, cutting the corner, and standing a safe ten feet away. "I…I was jealous."

Sam scoffed, still unable to meet his gaze, "Well, you have no right to be."

Freddie slowed his pace, shortening the distance, as he kept his eyes on her, "Well, you don't get to tell me how to feel. You've got my head all twisted from….everything." And suddenly, he could no longer stand that she wouldn't even look at him. He sighed, throwing his hands in surrender, "I don't want to play this game with you anymore."

Her angry eyes snapped back to him immediately,_ "I'm_ the one playing games? Really?" She stood to her feet instantly, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyebrow arching in protest, "Did you ever think about why are you doing this now? _Here_? At _this_ particular moment in time, Benson?"

Freddie's body completely froze at her accusation, "Don't, Sam."

_She peeked over his shoulder, watching as he hesitated before texting her back with a grand smile across his face. She bumped into his shoulder purposely, causing him to spin around and face her, "You're still in love with Carly, aren't you?"_

_He looked down at her, puzzled, "Would that matter to you?"_

_Her eyes turned from blue to gray, "You're a big boy. You can make your own decisions. Stupid as they may be."_

Sam took a shaky step forward, the anger pulsating from within, "Oh, c'mon. So, you're telling me that the tiny fact that Carly Shay's suddenly completely off the table is not a huge factor in your sudden awareness?"

Freddie shook his head, "She has nothing to do with this and you know it. This is about you and me." He paused, his voice breaking slightly, "…it has _always_ been about you and me."

His words always hitting home, the tears immediately began to burn in the back of Sam's eyes.

Freddie moved forward when her silence spoke volumes, "I'm happy for Carly. I will always care for her. But_ you_? It's hard to be in a room with you….because I'm sick of looking at you from across a table and pretending that I don't wish things were different. It's been 10 years, Sam,….", he took another step, placing him directly in front of her, brown eyes meeting blue, "….and there has never been anyone else that even came close to how I feel for _you_. "

And for a moment, she swore she fell in love with again.

His eyes fell to her lips, tracing the curve, as she parted them in a heavy sigh.

And as much as she wanted to forget everything and just lean forward into him, his words, as shocking as they were, reminded her that there was still another who was lurking in her life.

Her eyes met his in a quick desperation, "He said he's in love with me. What am I supposed to do with that? "

Swallowing the lump that formed in the deep of his throat, Freddie was ready to accept the refusal if so be it. He matched her eyes in a quiet confidence, "I can't make any choices for you. You're a grown woman. You know what….or who you want. I can pour my heart out right now to try to convince you that I think your place is with me …" His voice lowered to a soft whisper, "…_but _if you're with him, if you love _him_, I can…I will walk away."

Whether it was the crack in his voice, or the shaking hands at his side, or the way he stared down at her like a little lost boy, a quiet tear ran from the corner of her eye, "I _really_ hate you, Freddie."

But it was strange how that hate, even back when they were just kids, always felt a lot like love.

He sighed, knowing full well the depth of its meaning, "I really, really _hate_ you too."

Sam had a thought suddenly, with his sad brown eyes staring down into hers, that maybe, just maybe, it felt a lot like love….because it was.

And the notion scared Sam more than anything in her life ever had before.

With strength and fright filling her, Sam threw out her arms and pushed Freddie against his chest, forcing him back a few feet. Nearly losing his balance, he reached out before him, grabbing her forearm in his grasp and pulling her hard against his chest to regain his composure, "Jesus Christ, Sam." But his anger and shock quickly dissipated when she hid her face against his chest, a soft sob shaking her shoulders. He paused, breathing in the vanilla scent of her hair against his face. His one hand pressed on the small of her back, while the other tangled in her hair. He whispered against the side of her golden locks, "Look at me. _Please."_

But somehow, she just couldn't.

Her tears soaked his pleated shirt.

"The scary thing is...the only person I ever loved…was _you_."

Before he could respond, or even comprehend the simple words, she looked up at him, devastated and torn, "And you know what, Freddie? We_ still_ didn't work."

_She picked up a coffee mug, throwing it against the room, and nearly at his head, "I hate you. I hate you. We are just….completely different. This is crazy. I can't…."_

_He ducked the glassware, rolling his eyes in refusal, "That's because you'd rather fight with me, than for me!" He sighed, his hands dropping, "I can't do this either. Not like this. It's just….too much."_

His hands moved to grasp her shoulders, keeping her focus directly on him, "We were just kids, Sam. We had to grow up and live a little. We both may have changed over time…." He placed his hand over his heart, "…but _this _never has."

Too defeated to wipe her tears or to deny his words, Sam could only revert back to the one thing that she had left, "He's in love with me."

Like he had put his hand to the fire, Freddie released his grip on her, "I don't care about him. I don't want to talk about him. What about _me_?" When she shrugged her shoulders and offered only silence, Freddie could feel the venom rise in the pit of his stomach, "I don't believe you. I think you know exactly what we have." She took a shaky step back, and he could only watch as his words echoed against night air, "You do not have to be scared with me. I never left. I never would."

_He sat beside on her on the park bench, his arm draped around her shoulders, "You are still always going to be my favorite blonde."_

_She leaned into him, smirking as usual, "Well, duh. What other blonde would give you the time of day anyway?"_

But Sam knew only fear when it came to this, when it came to him. She stood her ground, her arms crossing against her chest yet again, "And if it doesn't work? What then? You and Carly are all I ever had. And I'm not good at being…_good_. You were right what you said before the wedding. I do live my life differently than you guys. I've changed, yeah….." Her voice lowered, hurt and small, "…but I'm still Sam…the girl who messes things up."

He let out a heavy exhale, marveled at how she still how no idea at how truly extraordinary she was, "You…are the _woman_ who brings life to the room, who brought light to my life. You don't even know how amazing you are." He paused, his hand gently covering his mouth in acknowledgement, "I get it. I do. You grew up in a household and you didn't learn much about love. But if you gave me a chance, I could show you the good, the joy. Just let me." He reached his hand out to her, offering his vulnerable heart.

"Just stay."

She hesitated, wanting more than anything to reach out and grab that hand. But she just didn't know the way, "How? I wouldn't even know where to start."

_He pulled away from her lips, only long enough to trail down the column of her throat, sending sparks of fire through his veins that he'd never felt before. "You gotta tell me to stop.", he whispered into the hollow of her neck._

_Her fingers lifted to thread in his brown locks, holding him tightly against her, "I don't want you to."_

Sometimes, reason and logic can only get you so far.

Reacting on pure impulse, Freddie barely whispered, "Like_ this_."

And then, without warning or sense, he took one brave step forward, his palms reaching out to cup her soft cheeks, and as her mouth fell open in instinctive protect, his lips crashed over hers.


	7. Chapter 7

Freddie still remembered their very first kiss.

Sitting on the ledge of that window, palms sweaty, leaning in just a fraction of an inch, her soft lips pressing against his chastely, his eyes falling slowly shut, a shooting pulse running down the length of his body. Just a few mere seconds of mouth to mouth, and when she pulled away, he remembered the immediate void he felt from her absence.

Yet that kiss….was _nothing_ like this one.

It had a hidden passion, an unrequited depth. His fingers moved from her tear-stained cheeks, and threaded into her curled golden locks, slanting her mouth to open to his. He slipped his tongue past her lips, exploring the cavern of her luscious mouth, like a man dying of thirst. To his shock, she met his fervor with equal ferocity, her hands pulling at his tie, before polished fingers scratched at the nape of his neck, deepening the lock. Needing her as he never had before, one of his hands drifted down from her locks, to the small of her back, pulling her roughly forward into his hardened torso.

He wasn't sure how long they remained wrapped up in each other, surrounded by the glistening pool lights, night sky, and utter silence. All he _did _know was that it never felt long enough with her.

Sam pulled back slightly to gasp for air first, her face flushed with breathlessness and lust. He slowly opened his eyes, staring down at her wind-blown hair and swollen lips. He rested his forehead against hers, sighing in a mixture of disbelief and contentment, "Some things don't change, do they?"

Her forehead still to his, Sam's eyes remained wide open, panting heavily, unable to catch an even breath, "What does this mean?"

Freddie softly smiled, "It means…." And suddenly, he had become a man completely unraveled, his hands intertwined with hers at their sides, "….my God, Sam. I love you."

A few simple words….and it all came crashing down for Sam. She lifted her eyes to his, pulling back from his embrace a step.

But he never noticed her hesitation, "After _all_ this time, and I do. I still do. I never stopped." He continued to hold onto her hand tightly, "Just…give us a chance."

With an aggression she hadn't shown him since they were teenagers, she ripped her hand away from his, forcing herself back a few more feet. The whirlwind of his kiss and the intensity of his words were simply too much for her to handle. She shook her head, her eyes lowering to the ground, "Freddie, it could never work."

Freddie had seen her fight this all too often. He let the shock her hand not in his wear off as he slowly took a step toward her, "Just stop. Don't think with your head. I'm talking to that sixteen year old wild child who never let logic ruin impulse." He pointed between them, "She feels this. She is why…..", her sad eye met his in sudden desperation, "….why you still look at me like that."

Sam shrugged her shoulders, the tears quickly beginning to form, "But I'm not that girl anymore." Freddie paused, his head tilting toward her in question. But Sam couldn't let his curiosity stop her, "Freddie, I don't want to ruin…"

Knowing her so incredibly well, and utterly afraid of her backtracking record, he quickly interrupted her, "You won't. You can't. Don't you get it? It was always, _always _you." His hand fell over his heart in absolute truth and he took another brave step forward.

"I am in love with you, Sam. Probably since that first kiss. And every moment in between."

Sam still remembered that first kiss too.

Hands clutching anything at her sides, her stomach was in knots as she put on the bravest face she could, leaning forward, his lips found hers gently, her eyes unable to close from shock and fear. It felt like years, and somehow just seconds. It was, bar none, the closest and most connected she had ever felt to someone. And when he pulled away, she realized she missed him. She'd never been more scared in her life.

And all these years later, and she still felt as stuck as that young girl.

She just….didn't know how to believe it to be true. Or worse, she didn't know how not to screw it up if it was.

Frozen in confusion, Sam continually shook her head, "I'm not good at this. You know that. I don't do this. I don't know how to really….love somebody. I always…I'm just so afraid that one wrong move and it'll all come crashing down." Her eyes lifted to his suddenly, pleading silently what she couldn't say aloud, "I will always need you in my life."

He sighed, reaching out his hand to her, "And you'll have me…", he shakily took a step forward, "…but I want _more_."

To her, nothing had ever sounded more frightening.

She opened her mouth to speak, but somehow couldn't find the words. Here he was, hand outstretched, heart open, and she just couldn't find the strength to make that leap. And yet, she couldn't quite get the courage to let it go completely, "Can I just…think about it? Please."

But he knew her far too well.

And all her words really said to him were …. _no, it's never going to happen._

With an intense and immediate revelation, as if she had suddenly placed his hand to the fire, he retracted back. Why was he always fighting so hard for her….and her so hard against him? And he knew, like always, he could only ever fight her for so long.

She recognized his hurt, reaching out, "I'm so sorry, Freddie."

Yet, devastated and too far broken by her to deny, without a word, Freddie simply turned around and walked away.


	8. Chapter 8

Freddie burst through the front doors of the reception hall, like a bolt of lightning scorched his feet. His fingers roughly moved to his tie, loosening the knot that was suffocating him. But maybe, he realized, it wasn't just the fitted tuxedo that had him so breathless. Ignoring the inquiring looks from the valet attendants, Freddie rushed into the full parking lot. It was only then, after seeing car upon car, he realized that he hadn't even gotten to enjoy his best friend Carly's wedding with all of this nonsense going on.

Why, oh why did this silly, silly girl still get under his skin so well?

But that thought was met with an immediate answer….when his eyes found a lone Josh Hanson, resting against the hood of a car he didn't recognize, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, smoke surrounding him.

His first instinct was to dash in the other direction and yet, he found himself frozen. And without a word, just a simple nod between two strangers, Freddie all too well understood that sad, sad look on Josh's face.

Josh was exactly like him; stuck and unable to let go.

He cleared his throat, the embarrassment of his performance before coming back to him. "I was….uh, really out of line before. I just…"

Josh removed the cigarette from his mouth with a quick hand, waving Freddie off, "Eh. Don't bother. I get it. You're in love with her."He paused, blowing out a circle of fine smoke, smirking slightly at the man's silence, "I know the feeling. I just keep wondering….." He leaned further back against the car, flicking the cigarette out of his hand and sparking against the black tar below them, "….has she always played it so scared?"

Freddie nearly chuckled, "_Sam_? Funny thing is…she's not scared of anything in her life. Never has been."

Josh nodded slowly, before looking back over at him, "Except love?"

Freddie could only sigh, the memory of the conversation and the feel of her lips still lingering over him, "Yeah. Except _that_."

And then, the two men could just stand there, for a few brief moments, stuck in their own dilemma and lost at as to the next steps. Freddie stared down against the pavement, wondering how the hell he'd gotten to this place in his life. But Josh, as his eyes traced over Freddie in wicked curiosity, came to another realization all together.

Using his left foot as leverage against the car, Josh stood upright, shoving his hands deep into his suit pockets, rocking back on his heel. He had always considered himself a straight-shooter, and now was not the time to play games.

Josh exhaled, "So….are you going to ask me? Or are we just going to stand here like we're friends and not just two guys in love with the same woman?"

Freddie's eyes opened wide in bewilderment, "And _what _am I supposed to ask you?"

Josh sighed, sadly, "If I'm going to fight for her." Freddie opened his mouth slightly, but couldn't somehow find the words. Perhaps, because he was all too scared of the answer. But Josh took the man's silence as all the answer he needed. Josh pursed his lips together, his defeated eyes meeting Freddie's, "The answer is no. I'm not."

Forcibly shocked, Freddie almost took a step back, "But…you said you love her…"

Josh never let Freddie finish, "I do, man. I really do. I mean I've known her for just over a year, and she's really been amazing the whole time. She brings the fun out in everything she does and she's always looking for a new adventure. She's….unlike anybody I ever met before. And as much I'm sure you don't want to hear this, she and I have this…_spark_." A retched feeling twisted in the pit of Freddie's gut as Josh continued on, relentless, "It's like I can't wait to see her; I make up_ excuses_ to see her. I never felt that way before. About anyone."

Freddie had never wanted to run away more.

But Josh let out a heavy sigh, pausing as a small lump formed at the base of his throat, "And then sitting there inside, watching the fire in her eyes when she fought with _you_…..she's never once looked at me like that. Not once."

And suddenly, Freddie had a reason to stay.

Josh took a step toward Freddie, "I do love her, man. Enough to walk away if I'm not the one….." He raised his hand to lay flat against his chest, "….and_ I_ am not the one."

Still, floored, Freddie couldn't find any words….or even thoughts to form.

So, Josh did what he could best and moved on, "You seem like a good guy, Freddie. You care about her, you're her friend. I just…treat her right, okay? She deserves somebody really, really amazing."

And with that, Josh nodded, spun on his heel, and turned back to his car door. Retrieving the cars from his pocket, he clicked the lock, and pulled the door open, suddenly needing to get as fast as he could out of here.

But Freddie had suddenly found his voice.

He took a shaky step forward, shouting a little too loudly in the full parking lot to grab the man's attention.

"I'm not sure that I'm the one either."

Hand rested at the top of the door, and the other gently on the steering wheel, Josh peeked his head out to Freddie.

Freddie merely continued on, "I_ am_ crazy in love with her. I do need to you know that. I have been since I was sixteen years old. But…." Freddie stopped, realizing he was asking advice of probably the worst possible person, his eyes falling in fear and frustration, "…..what's if that's not _enough_?"

Josh sighed, shrugging his shoulders in his half-stance, shouting back.

"It _isn't_ enough."

And then, Josh sat down in his car, slamming the door behind him, and immediately turning on the ignition. He quickly rolled down his window with one hand, loosening his tie with the other. He drove only a few feet, placing him to the side of Freddie. He rolled to a slow stop, popping his head out the open window to offer one last piece of advice to the man before him.

"If you know Samantha the way you say you do, you should know that she needs a lot _more_ than that. "

And with that, Josh drove away, through the parking lot, out of the exit, and disappeared in to the night horizon, leaving Freddie standing there, in awe, wondering..._did_ he have anything more than love to give her?


	9. Chapter 9

It had been well over an hour….and Sam could still taste him on her lips.

She grasped the glass of champagne in front of her on the linen-clothed table in a frenzy, placing it to her lips, and slamming her head back as the cool liquid slid down the back of the throat. She quickly glanced around for another full glass, choking back that one as well. She placed down the flutes, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.

How had she gotten here?

"Sam? Hello, Samantha!"

Sam's eyes lifted in a vague awareness, suddenly recognizing Carly in front of her, hands on hips, a worried expression written over her face. Sam sighed, waving her hand at her friend, "Sorry."

Carly squinted her eyes at the girl before her, taking a seat in the empty chair next to her, "You are in a completely different world." When Sam didn't respond, and continued to stare at the empty flute in front of her, Carly needed no further explanation. A warm smile spread over her lips, "This is about Freddie, isn't it?"

The sound of his name brought her back to a harsh reality.

And for the first time in a long time, Sam couldn't summon the energy to deny or change topics or avoid….she simply surrendered. Her shoulders fell, her mouth agape, she looked sadly at her best friend, "He kissed me. He said he loves me."

As the words penetrated her mind, Carly nearly giggled in joy. She reached out for her friend's hand, grasping it with her own, "These all sound like good things."

But Sam's expression never changed; just a sad, cold look, "Carly. I _can't_."

The joy immediately drained from Carly's face.

Without a second to think, Carly stood to her feet, dragging the sad blonde up with her. She pulled her through the dance floor, past the reception hall, and nearly threw her into the porcelain tiled bathroom in an angry huff. Sam followed behind the girl, wordlessly, breathless from the rush. She slammed into the bathroom door shoulder first, wincing in slight pain as the brunette pushed on.

Carly checked under the stalls to make sure they were alone, and then proceeded to lock them in the bathroom. She turned back to Sam, her face flushed with frustration. Sam was so confused by the whole debacle that she hardly had time to register her friend's fury.

"What are you **SO** friggin' afraid of, Sam?"

Sam's jaw nearly hit the ground.

Carly only pushed on, "I swear to you, we are not leaving this bathroom until you can finally tell me what the hell the problem is. You're ruining your own life. Do you get that? Don't you want to be happy? Don't you want love? Sam! Just…what is it?"

Sam was sure she had never seen her friend so angry before. And the sheer volume and shocking intensity brought immediate tears to Sam's eyes.

Sam could only match her friend's anger, in a hurtful tone, "_You. _You are the problem, Carly."

Carly took a step back, feeling as though she had just been slapped hard in the face.

But Sam could no longer stay silent. She gestured wildly, finally fed up with keeping all of her emotions in, "Don't you get it? He's loved _you _his whole life. He's been chasing after you like a sad puppy dog for years. And for a while, I may have been a nice distraction for him….but it always came back to you. To how he needed _you._ And now you're here, in this dress, with that ring. You're settled and he wants to be too. And since you are so conveniently taken, I'm just….an easy pick."

Carly's hand came up to cover her mouth, completely and utterly shocked.

Tears fell from Carly's eyes, as she stepped back toward Sam, "How can you believe that? After all this time, after everything we have all been through? It's just what you said. Puppy love. Two silly kids."

Sam quickly interrupted, "You weren't just kids. What about when you came home from Italy during college? You were together then."

The memories filling her mind, Carly paused, a sob filling her lungs, "And do you know why he and I broke up a few weeks later?" Sam shook her head, as Carly continued, "Because one night, after some stupid frat party that you dragged us to, Freddie was drunk….and he asked me if he thought our love was extraordinary, if it was wild and passionate….and when I couldn't answer him….." More tears fell to her cheeks, "…he said that there were too many mediocre things in life and that_ love_ shouldn't be one of them."

Carly let out a heavy sigh, "Don't you see, Sam? He never, ever loved me with the same fire that he loves you."

The words hitting Sam like a bucket of ice water, she turned away from Carly, leaning against the sink with shaky hands and wobbly knees. She tilted her head back, letting the warm tears fall back into her hair.

As much as the words filled her heart, there was a deeper level of pain that Sam couldn't begin to show.

She sighed heavily, "Even if it was real, how quick before I mess it up anyway? You and I both know….that I'm not good for him."

Carly only shook her head, "No. You think you're not good _enough_."

Sam turned back to her friend, free tears falling, "_Am_ I? I've done some horrible things."

Carly moved next to her friend, her hand covering the blonde's bare shoulder, "Maybe…but he loved you…even then. Even when it was ugly. And even more now." Carly placed her other hand on Sam's opposite shoulder, and turned her to face her completely, "Do me a favor. Close your eyes." Sam looked up in a mixture of doubt and suspicion, but Carly only returned a stern look. Sam sighed, and complied, shutting her wet eyelids closed.

Carly exhaled, speaking only above a slight whisper, "Keep 'em closed. Now, imagine your future. Five years down the line. You're successful, brilliant. Happier than you've ever been. You have this amazing career that takes you to different places: islands, deserts, mountains. Anyplace you've ever wanted to go." She paused, looking deep into Sam's stoic face, "…where are you?"

Warm, white sand. Crystal blue water. A light summer breeze. A pina colada in her hand. A lea around her tanned neck.

Sam whispered back, "An island. Oahu maybe."

Carly smiled, and pressed on, lulling her friend into deeper trance, "And after spending weeks on end on those sandy beaches, you can come home from your travels, back into your all white apartment. Granite countertops. Hardwood, oak floors. A spacious, open-area penthouse. You can walk out onto your balcony and it's a breathtaking view." She paused again, "…what do you see?"

Tall buildings. Busy streets. The hum of people scurring downstairs

Sam felt as though her feet had left the ground, "A city. New York City maybe. Downtown Manhattan."

Carly never waived, "Your hand grabs the railing of your 20th story balcony, and you look down at your hand. An engagement ring on your finger. White gold, princess cut, with a sparking band of…"

Sam never hesistated, "Crystal clear diamonds."

Carly suddenly knew she had Sam exactly where she wanted her. She choked back a soft sob, "Your wedding day. In a perfectly white, sweetheart-cut gown, blonde curls pinned up, with a long ivory veil, walking down a plush red carpet…..and you look up and you see your husband-to-be, the absolute love of your life, in an all white tux…"

Sam saw him. Just right there. Almost at her fingertips. A breath away.

It was…._Freddie_.

Maybe, it had always been Freddie.

Sam's eyes opened wide in shock, staring at her best friend, "Oh, my God."

Carly shook her friend lightly, moving her face down to the same level as Sam, "Now, you listen to me, Samantha Puckett. Do not let the fear of your past ever stop you from having the future_ you_ see."

A single tear rolled down Sam's cheek as she came to the stunning realization, amazingly enough, that only the future she saw….was with the one and only Fredward Benson.


	10. Chapter 10

Freddie stood in that parking lot of Carly's reception for nearly an hour, as light rain began to fall down, before he drifted back inside to whisper small goodbyes to family and friends, shaking the groom's hand and asking that he let his new bride know that he unfortunately had to duck out. And then he snuck out the back door, into his car, and drove straight to his apartment. He had no energy to change, just kicked his dress shoes off to the other end of the room, threw his tuxedo jacket over the back of his couch, loosened the tie around his neck, found two cold beers in the fridge, and collapsed onto his sofa.

He stared at the blank television set for what must have been hours, the rain building up from a drizzle to a storm.

His life felt like a storm. He knew he loved Sam; he knew he wanted to be with Sam. But maybe, just perhaps he couldn't give her all of the things she needed. Maybe he wasn't amazing enough to match such an incredible spirit.

He should just walk away, he believed.

And then, he heard a knock on his door.

Something deep inside of him knew that it was her long before he got to his feet, paced a moment, took a few small steps toward the door, and pulled it open without daring to look at the peephole, without bothering to ask who it was.

He could have just walked away, he thought.

And now here she was, _his _Sam, standing before him, breathtaking and breathless, drenched from rain, a sad pale pink dress clung to her curves.

"Freddie."

It sounded more like a breath, than a word.

And just like that, with just the sound of his name coming from the lips of the woman he loved so deeply, he knew he still had so much more to give her.

He could never walk away, he knew.

His voice sounded desperate, and harsh, almost as though he had been the one to show up at her doorstep, pleading, so much so that he never gave her a chance to speak, "You were right, Sam. We loved each other….and it didn't work." He took a step forward, crossing the threshold of his home, "But I was a kid then and I'm a man now. I know that there is more to this than just love. I will still be here even when it's rough….and I'm not going to abandon you even when you make a mistake. I like your antics. They keep me alive. So, we can fight day in and day out….because I don't want to fight with anyone else but _you_. Don't you see it? Our friendship is what led us here today ….and what will get us through tomorrow."

His voice cracked, "You're still my best friend. That could never change. My God, Sam, I don't _just_ love you…..", a lone tear fell to his cheek, "…..I _need_ you."

And before he could go on, in the blink of an eye, she slammed both of her hands against his chest, forcing him back into his own apartment. He nearly fell backwards, as she slammed the door shut behind them.

"Would you just shut up for a second, Benson? Jeez."

Sam had left the reception shakily. It took her a full hour to calm down after her little eye-opening chat with Carly and then it took her another hour to realize that she was an absolute fool. Another half hour or so searching for Freddie and comfort all over the reception hall, until finally she found herself speeding to get to him, caught in the storm of her life.

And now, here she was….almost as if her whole life had led her up to this.

Her voice was shallow, soft, nearly broken as she looked at him, dazed, "My whole life, Freddie….I refused to let my fear stop me from having whatever it was I wanted. I mean, c'mon, I can do the craziest things because I'm Sam Puckett. And it's my life, my choice. I have the power. How could something hurt me if I didn't _let _it? And I convinced myself that if I could think this way, if I could live this way, then I could face anything."

She paused shakily, "Except when it came to this one thing."

Her eyes welled up with full tears.

"_You_."

He wanted to speak, wanted to reach out and grab her in his arms, but somehow couldn't.

Sam only pressed on, "I didn't know how to control those feelings or what they could mean. Everything felt like it was spinning out so out of control, out of my grip, so I did what I could do best: run. Run as fast and as far away as I could."

Her gorgeous blues met his stunned ones, "Until tonight. Until something made me realized that I don't have to be so scared anymore."

Freddie could only manage a whisper, "Like what?"

Devastated and broken, Sam could only utterly surrender to him, "Like _you."_

She took two steps toward him, "Because you never left. Even when you should have. Even when I gave you every reason to."

Freddie let out a shaky sigh as she continued to move toward him.

She wrung her hands together, taking small step by step, "I know I said it was because I was afraid you would always love Carly more. And I even said it was because I wasn't good enough for you. And then, I was standing in the middle of bathroom, with my eyes shut….and none of it mattered anymore. Because when I think about my life and my future…all I can see is _you_."

She stood right before him now, now more than an inch or so, pressed up against his stoic chest.

She wiped the wet strands from her face, before her hands reached out to grab his face in her hands, "I don't want to run anymore, because I'm pretty sure I've been running all this time just to get back to you. Because…I _am_ in love with you. Since that very first kiss….and _every _single second in between. "

He never hesitated before he bowed his head down to capture her lips with his own. He wrapped his arms around her soaked waist, bringing her in as closely as possible, stunned and somehow fulfilled. She met his intensity straight on, kissing him deeply and long, still scared but somehow never more sure.

And they stayed that way for minutes or hours, exploring the recesses of each other again, falling in and back in love harder than they ever had before.

Pulling away first and only briefly, Freddie smiled against her hair, holding her tightly as he could in her arms, "Sometimes, you make me want to do the craziest things, Puckett."

Her arms draped around his waist, she looked up at him, resting her chin against his chest, lighter and happier than she had been in years, "Oh yeah? Like what?"

He placed a chaste kiss to her lips, before pulling away, his eyes lighting with a fire that only she could bring to him, "Like marry you."

**THE END**


End file.
